Growing Pains
by Lizziginne
Summary: "Stop breaking your heart, You're making it hard on you, It's only growing pains don't you know, The only way to live is letting go" Nikki Alexander was sitting at her desk. His desk. She had always sat there... ...But now all that was left of him is here is a pen and his favourite mug. Rated M for the first chapter, my take on Harry leaving. H/N
1. Chapter 1

**SMUT, I WARN YOU ITS SMUT!**

**My take on Harry leaving... etc. It's very different from how I usually write so I'm sorry if you all hate it and if you dont like smut... ignore this chapter, there won't be any more smut :)**

**This is for Claire. Because back in February/March time I set up the FansofSW on twitter and I started to get a lot of people talking to me. I don't remember the first time I spoke to Claire, but soon we were tweeting regularly. And we talked about fanfic and, me being the fanfic crazed person I am, I told her she should publish hers, and them came Contact (which if you aren't reading, then why the hell not?... get over there and read immediately! Well, after you've read this preferably.). And we carried on talking, carried on being good friends. We exchanged emails. (She was emailing me smut whilst I was at my school prom, tried not to read that around the teachers! One friend kept asking me what I was smiling at! :P) So, anyway, emailing continued and we arranged to meet, and I know what you lot are thinking (If you're still reading the A/N and haven't got on with the story) , " You shouldn't go meeting strangers off the internet" and Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know! But when you're good friends with someone, they aren't really a stranger, even if you haven't met them. So we met, wandered around London for 4 hours, and went to a bloody amazing chocolate shop. And actually, Claire is one of the best friends I have. If I feel down, or I'm having a bad day, she always makes me smile. Sometimes I think it's crazy how close you can be to someone you've only actually met for 4 hours. But it's true, I have such amazing friends here (of whom I will mention in later chapters). And I'm not always that good with words or knowing what to say to people when something is wrong, but this is my way of saying thank you and I love you and I'm always here for you, all of you, even if I can't help with words, a hugs is always being sent your way. So thank you, Claire, for being an amazing friend and for everything. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All recognisable characters belong to the BBC.**

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Growing Pains

Nikki Alexander was sitting at her desk. His desk. She had always sat there. Since her first day at The Thomas Lyell Centre. But it was his first. It was always his. But now all that was left of him is here is a pen and his favourite mug. She'd received the phone call three nights ago.

"_Dr Alexander." She had answered the phone automatically, without looking at the caller ID._

"_Nikki?" His voice had been barely a whisper. It sounded to her like he had been crying._

"_Harry? Are you okay? Where are you?" she was worried. He hadn't been himself for the last couple of weeks and he definitely didn't sound good now._

"_Outside your flat, brought wine with me. Let me in?" he croaked out, she concluded he'd definitely been crying. _

_She opened the door, pulling the man in front of her in to a hug. His eyes were puffy and red. He squeezed her not wanting to let her go. His arms were big and strong, safe. They made her feel so safe. Even when he appeared so vulnerable. He made her feel safe. Loved. _

"_Harry? Tell me what's wrong?" He just shook his head. He planted as soft gentle kiss on her forehead as she squeezed his arm. _

_She fetched the wine glasses from the kitchen cupboard and a corkscrew from the draw. She had to dust the corkscrew off, they usually just had screw tops. She poured two large glasses. Harry picked his up and downed it._

"_Harry?! Please talk to me?" Drinking was normal for Harry, but not that much that quick. She was worried about him._

"_Something you said... irreplaceable... made me think." He was mumbling, not really coherent. "Screwed you over enough... I'm sorry." Tears were streaming down his face. _

"_Oh Harry... you haven't screwed me over, you're my best friend. You _are_ irreplaceable. You're my Harry." _

_Nikki lifted her hand to his face, delicately wiping away the tears. His hand cupped hers, his face was moving closer, he was leaning in. His lips met her. She gasped, opening her mouth just enough to give Harry the access he longed for. His tongue swept across hers, fighting her for dominance. Her hand wrapped itself in to his hair, pulling him closer to herself. She moaned in to his mouth as his hands snaked down her back, to the hem of her blouse. He tugged at it, asking her permission. She continued to kiss him, passionately, pulling him ever closer, moaning. He took that as a yes. _

_He lifted her blouse, running his fingers across her bare skin as he did so. Unclasping her lace bra from her back. She pulled her mouth away from his long enough to allow him to slip her blouse over her head and discard it on the floor. No words were spoken. She shrugged the bra straps off her shoulders, refusing to allow her hands to leave her lovers hair, his back, his chest. She couldn't get enough of him._

_His hands found her soft breasts. Cupping them, squeezing gently, eliciting a soft moan from her rosy lips. Her nipples were erect and hard. His fingers brushed over them, flicking lightly, teasing her .Her lips found his neck, kissing along his jaw line, sucking on a sensitive spot, sweeping her tongue down the shell of his ear. He shivered._

_Her hands struggled with the buttons on his shirt, she was shaking. He wasn't sure if it was out of nervousness, pleasure or need but right now he didn't care. He pulled at his shirt, ripping the final few buttons off. He discarded it on to the floor, throwing it behind him. Her hands began stroking his chest, tracing patterns in his skin. He took her momentary distraction to take her nipple in to his mouth, biting down, sucking, licking her breast, teasing her. Her moans were becoming louder, more need filled. More desperate._

_She moved closer, climbing on to his lap more. Grinding her centre against his leg, begging, gasping for some friction, for release. Her hands trailed down his chest, reaching the waistband of his jeans. Se undid the button and zip and slipped her hand inside. He wasn't wearing any boxers. His hard cock was straining against the denim. It couldn't have been comfortable. She wrapped her soft hand around him. Slowly stroking up and down, twisting her hand as she went. His head fell back and his mouth opened as he released a low moan. She stroked harder, softly stroking his head on every stroke. His hips were soon thrusting to meet her hand, his face contorted in pleasure. _

_His hand had found its way up her skirt and was stroking her upper thigh, getting ever closer to where she need him. He could feel the dampness already. He could feel just how turned on she was. How much she needed him. She need him to fuck her. To be rough with her. The making love could wait for another day. She wanted him to hurt her._

_His hand slipped in to her silk knickers, they were wet. Very wet. He could feel her, tripped neatly and swollen with need, her clit was pulsating. He stroke it as she continued to pump his cock. She screamed out in pleasure as he violently thrust two fingers inside of her. She released his cock from his grasp and he pulled his jeans down, quickly standing and stepping out of them before sitting down again and pulling Nikki on ho his lap. The base of his cock grinding against her clit as he continued to thrust his fingers in to her. She was rocking on to him, begging for the friction, needing to orgasm, desperate for release, the pleasure almost too much. _

_He stood up, picking her up by her bum. He placed her on the sofa, bending her over, so her arse was in the air. A sight to see, he thought. Slowly, teasingly, he entered her from behind. His cock going in deep in to her, as deep as he could go, before he swiftly pulled out and quickly thrust back in to her, she felt so tight, so wet, so needy. He could hear her moans as he thrust in. He held her hips still as she tried to meet his thrusts. She fell on to one elbow and reached backwards to touch herself, stroking her clit as he pounded in to her. It hurt as he reached as far as he could, hitting her inner walls, but the pain was good, it only seemed to turn her on more. Her moans were becoming louder. Swear words littered every breath she took._

_Her body tightened. Her muscles clenched as he continued to pound deep in to her. Her nipples brushing against the fabric of the sofa with every thrust. The friction was intense. Too much for her to handle. She felt like she was about to explode. His hand left its position on her hips, finding her clit her played with is, stroking it, rubbing and then quickly removing all pressure. Bringing her closer and closer to the edge. Leaving her just teetering on the brink of orgasm. One more thrust. One more rub. And pressure applied to her clit and she screamed. Clenching his cock tightly inside of her. Two more thrusts. Hard, fast, erratic. And he came. Deep inside her. Filling her up completely. _

_He collapsed on top of her, rolling them both over so she could lie on top of him, pulling out as he did so. Her head rested on his chest, breathing in his smell. Her eyes fluttering closed, obviously exhausted. It had been amazing, they'd both agree on that. She was asleep and he wasn't far behind, his eyes closing, as he took in the beautiful woman in front of him. Sleep took him at last._

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**I hope you liked it and it wasn't too different!**

**It is a multichip but as yet I have no idea how many chapters it will include but each one will be dedicated to another one of my special, amazing friends. But I hope you enjoyed, and a review would be lovely if you could spare 5 minutes? **

**Lizzi  
xxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**This one's for Audrey1119, the first twitter friend I made. I remember discussing Bloodlines with her, over a year and a half ago. And then discussing Medicine. And actually she is one of the most lovely people on twitter, because although we may not talk every day, if I ever wanted to talk, she's there. So thank you.**

**Disclaimer applies to all chapters: I own nothing. **

**This is smut (again) and does contain possible questionable consent to begin with, you'll see what I mean. **

**I hope you like it. It's going to get darker from now on.**

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She was gazing in to space. Just fixating on a point, staring across the room. A photo on the wall. 2010. Leo's house. New Years Eve. Her, Leo, Janet, Harry. They looked happy. Together. Unlike yesterday morning. Yesterday morning. It had been hell for her.

_She awoke, lying on his chest. Her hair spread across his chest. His chest rising and falling, sleeping peacefully. She felt at peace. _

_He began to stir, not just his sleepy eyes awakening. She whispered his name lovingly, longingly. His blinked once, twice._

"_Nikki?" He questioned, yawning slightly, holding her naked body against his as he sat up. Cuddling her tightly._

"_Harry." She kissed his lips gently. "Are you okay now, my love?" He didn't think she realised what she had called him._

_He shook his head. His eyes welling up. Her concern was evident._

"_Love you, Nikki." He whispered through his tears_

"_Awww love you too, Harry, you're my best friend." She replied, stroking his hair._

"_Mean... I _love _you, Nikki. But I can't stay." She gasped. She couldn't breathe._

"_What...? Harry? What?" Her shock was evident in her voice, she didn't know what to do._

"_I mean I love you, Nicola Alexander. But I'm not staying. I leave for my new job in New York tomorrow." She didn't know how to react. His confession was all she'd ever wished for but leaving? New York. The other side of the Atlantic. Across the pond. No. No. No._

"_You don't fucking love me! How can you say you love me?!" Her eyes sparkled with tears threatening to spill over._

"_I love you." _

"_How dare you say you fucking love me!? You're fucking leaving me! How can you do that, Harry!?" How can you fucking do that?" She was angry. So fucking angry._

"_Don't tell me what to say! I do love you!" He yelled at her. His face just inches from hers._

"_Then why the hell are you fucking tell me this and then fucking leaving me!? How the fuck is that fucking fair?" She was seething. Her voice a low hiss. Her hands were trembling._

_He grabbed her shoulders. Pinning her to the sofa, shoving her backwards. "I fucking love you! What about that don't you fucking understand!? I don't want to hurt you!"_

"_You bastard! How can you fucking say that!?" She fought him as he held her still. Trying to struggle out of his grasp. "Fuck you, Harry Cunningham! You can't do this to me! You're hurting me by fucking leaving me!"_

_His hands pushed hard against her shoulders. Hurting her. She relished the pain. It made it feel so real. His body pressed against hers._

"_If I don't leave I have to stay and play happy fucking families and I can't bloody well do that!" He pushed her harder._

"_Don't you fucking touch me! How can you do this, you fucking bastard!? You said you loved me!" she was sobbing barely controlling her breathing, yelling in to his face._

" _I do love you! Listen to me!" His hand flew up towards her face. She thought he was going to hit her. But instead he grabbed her face and pulled her lips to his and kissed her violently. Passionately. Like without her he couldn't breathe. His tongue invaded her mouth. Dominating her. Controlling her. Loving her._

_Still naked from the previous evening, Harry pressed his cock in to Nikki's centre, grinding in to her. Causing her to scream out in pleasure. One arm across her chest holding her in place, he grabbed his cock, pumping it twice, he guided himself in to her entrance. Thrusting in to her hard and fast. No teasing her now. This was raw. Raw passion. Raw love._

_Her hands reached out to his chest, both pushing him away and pulling him closer. With every thrust her nails dug deeper in to his back. One of his hands holding her hip, almost certainly leaving a bruise, his other arm across her collarbone. She was entirely his. Her heart, her soul, everything. She belonged to him._

_The pressure was building. She could feel it but it wasn't enough._

"_Touch me... Harrryy!" She moaned, her voice shaking, the pleasure so intense. "Fuck me... need... to come!"_

_His hand on her chest moved lower, teasing her nipple, tugging at it hard. She moaned. He lent down, lowering his mouth to her other nipple, biting down hard, sweeping his tongue across it. She screamed out, she obviously like it when he was rough like this with her. When he overpowered her. _

_His other hand reached down, stroking her, teasing her clit. Her hips bucked in to his hand, her movement involuntary. A loan moan left his lip as he felt her tighten around his cock. She lifted her legs, wrapping them around his waist, pulling him closer, deeper in to her. His thrusts were becoming erratic as he stroked her clit again, his mouth still lavishing her nipples, switching between the two. _

"_So... close... fuck Harrrryyy!" Her breath caught in her throat as waves of pleasured washed over her, his cock deep inside her, his hand still rubbing her clit, her legs squeezing him, his mouth still latched on to her nipple biting down hard. _

"_Urggghhh Haarr... Harrryyy!" She couldn't control the moan that escaped her, it was primal. Her face contorting in pleasure. He thrust once, twice, three times more before he came inside of her. Holding her hips in place, still buried deep inside of her. _

"_Nikki... God!" He moaned out, finally releasing her nipple from his mouth, panting, exhausted. "I love you."_

_Tears poured down Nikki's face. Her heart broken in two."Love you... too" she gasped out, her lover unsure whether her inability to breathe was due to her anger or how upset she was, or possibly the passionate love making that had just occurred._

_He kissed her lips gently, lovingly. He untangled himself from her arms, from her legs, pulling her in for one last kiss. He pulled on his jeans, wiping himself clean in the process. Throwing a t-shirt on. He couldn't look her in the eye. She couldn't watch him walk away. Just lying there in a blessed out state, but emotionally drained, unable to cope. There were no tears to cry. Nothing she could do but watch him walk away. Walk out of her life forever. _

"_Goodbye, Nikki, I love you." He called out to her, still not meeting her eyes as she curled up on her sofa, .the pain already beginning. He walked out her front door. Not looking back._

He'd be flying out about now she thought. Sitting in his nice comfy business class seat. All the luxuries he could ever want. But he'd left her behind. Left her damaged. Broken hearted. Left her feeling so unloved. She felt so tired. So unwanted. The pain was growing, getting worse. It was deep within her. Tugging at her heart, feeling like it was trying to rip it out. She'd lost her best friend. Her lover, the most amazing lover she'd ever had. And her soul mate, gone forever and ever. And, finally ,after over 24 hours since she last laid eyes on him, the tears fell.

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**Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it, please drop me a review, it'd mean the world to me, even if its anonymous and just says a few words :)**

**Lizzi  
xxx**


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